Things I have learnt today:

1) DO NOT attempt a long car journey while suffering from a potent stomach bug.
2) DO NOT attempt this same car journey with children.
3) DO NOT allow the kids to have a KFC as just the smell can drive said stomach bug over the edge.
4) DO NOT take your frustration and desperation out on a coach full of blokes possibly on a stag do when you are in a traffic jam and will continue to drive alongside them for an hour.

I hope these invaluable lessons will help you in the future.